when depression hits. hard.

as a graduate student who finds deep pleasure in mocking deadlines and running for miles on end, i am not a stranger to exhaustion.

but let me tell you, there is absolutely nothing even comparably exhausting to fighting a depressive episode. waking up one morning to your body surrendering to your inherent imbalances of serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. it has thrown up the white flag and no matter how badly you want to get out of bed and shake it off, you can’t. you lay there. and lay there. and lay there. while simultaneously wishing the world would slow down, but that your existence could speed up. while in this state, you crave nothing but a hug that could take away all the pain you are far too exhausted to feel.

i’m going on hour 36 of this round in the ring with depression. it’ll pass. it always does. but in the midst of this exhaustion, i have not been documenting my silver linings. so here goes.

01.17.2017: first day of classes as i finish my first year of graduate school. i feel confident.

01.18.2017: i dove into my yoga practice for the first time in nearly a year. my heart is full and my body refreshed.

01.19.2017: finally got the hug i so desperately have been craving.



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