for the first time in my entire life i realized that i no longer need my mother’s acceptance nor crave her forgiveness for simply existing. instead, i hold the power to forgive her for the hell she put me through and end that chapter in my life. i can breathe now. i can hug myself and know that none of this was my fault. i still have a lot of work to do, but these past 24 hours of inexplicable pain ended up giving me clarity and the perspective to say that i will never allow her to hurt me again. i am free.